Love and growth

         I've been thinking for a while in writing about relationships. What I can tell you is that I never had an example of a healthy relationship in my entire family. I don't mention my parents relationship as they were not able to reach agreement on joint custody and visiting hours. I also mention the extended family. I've been raised by a single parent and the hardships of a relationship were hidden from my eyes. 

        My friends mentioned to me that I am the Creator of my relationships and I can build what I call "my perfect relationship". My friend also mentioned that I am not able  to request from my partner what I am not and that I will need to work out on my fears, traumas etc. It happens that my partner will trigger all my traumas while he will create the space to heal. There will be a dance between us.

      What my friends were saying at that time seemed otherworldly, but their words stick with me until now. It was also the moment I decided not to repeat the patterns in my family. I new I wanted the dream family  and I was willing to work for it through different therapies(yoga, meditation, NLP, therapy etc). I met my boyfriend last April, but we started hanging out in July. Since then, he has been pinpointing me different painful parts or asking me why I do the things I do. It was all I needed so I can start digging and perhaps having a different attitude.

       For instance, I rarely drink beer and I kind of hate the taste of it. It was not just bear, also stronger alcohol. My reaction when I saw someone drink next to me was of panic and discomfort. The smell was triggering the entire reaction. During our first months of dating I was actually counting how many glasses of booze he was drinking. He wasn't the only one I used to count the glasses. He is the only one giving me space to deal with my negative emotions related to alcohol and showing me that one may drink responsibly. 

        It is important to have in your life someone that pinpoints all your painful points while giving you time and space to deal with the emotions and heal. Somehow, now I have an idea on how growth happens in the relationship and how this dance happens. This is not the only way, but that is a story for another time.