Treceți la conținutul principal

Body Parts

 

I don't even know how to start this post. My deeper journey started this year when I had stomach issues. After New Year, I noticed that if I eat or not my stomach aches in the worse possible way. I went to doctor, the diagnosis was simple: helicobacter pylori. I took the recommended drugs and my life came back to normal. 

That's what I thought at least. Three months after the treatment, I had a new stomach crisis. This time the crisis was really bad, the pain was so strong that I felt good only in pretzel positions. During the summer, I scheduled doctor appointments and blood tests. The entire time I was mentioning that my belly or my stomach has an issue. It took me some time to realize that I was talking about one part of my body like it didn't belong to me. And it wasn't the first time I was talking about my body parts like that. Whenever I had a back pain, I was saying that I would trade my spine for a new and younger one.

Why to I refer to parts of my body like they belong to someone else?, I asked the Universe. 

The fun part is that I got my answer when I expected least. I was at yoga practice, trying to stay in shoulder stand. All I could think in that moment was how much I hate my belly, how twisted my legs are and how ugly and incapable I were. How and why I hate myself so much?, popped the question in my mind.

It all started to come into my mind. The moment my ex-boyfriend told me that he encourages me to be a Small size. The moment when the kindergarten teacher decided I would be better din an advanced group, because my height and weight was different than the one of the other kids my age. The moment I joined a sports or dance group and I was told I was smaller or taller or shorter or overweight than the other kids. All those moments only made me disconnect from my body and perceive myself so imperfect, so unlovable. 

By the end of my practice, I just hugged myself and I acknowledged all my body parts: my belly, my legs, my head and my heart. I became a whole in a different way. 

Etichete:

Comentarii

Trimiteți un comentariu

Postări populare de pe acest blog

HOME

       There has been so much going on in the last two weeks that I am not sure how to tell it to you. I went on two hikes both quite difficult while I was discovering so much about myself. On May Day, we started our trip to Brasov from Bucharest. On our way to what would be our home for a couple of days, we stopped at my mom's place. The entire time I felt like I am going home, home in a spiritual way. I felt so much gratitude for everything and everyone. This comes from a person that would only dream of feeling this.      Four years ago I was in a relationship with a person who would reflect every pain I have. I still remember to this day that we were gathered in his kitchen, his mom and dad and us. He was comfortably staying on the sofa, while I was discussing with his mom in his kitchen. I have it graved in my memories when he told smiling: " We are alike. You are a runaway. The only difference between you and I is that you also physically runaway ...
Trimiteți un comentariu
Citiți mai multe

Love and growth

           I've been thinking for a while in writing about relationships. What I can tell you is that I never had an example of a healthy relationship in my entire family. I don't mention my parents relationship as they were not able to reach agreement on joint custody and visiting hours. I also mention the extended family.  I've been raised by a single parent and the hardships of a relationship were hidden from my eyes.           My friends mentioned to me that I am the Creator of my relationships and I can build what I call "my perfect relationship". My friend also mentioned that I am not able  to request from my partner what I am not and that I will need to work out on my fears, traumas etc. It happens that my partner will trigger all my traumas while he will create the space to heal. There will be a dance between us.       What my friends were saying at that time seemed otherworldly, but their words...
Trimiteți un comentariu
Citiți mai multe

Renting my baby

           I've been going through a lot of changes and challenges lately. As I moved in autumn at my boyfriend's place, I kept for a while my place free. Almost one year. This winter I paid utilities almost 100 EUR, which I found quite a lot for a house I don't live in. I discussed with my boyfriend to take all my precious books from there and have a space dedicated in his house.              Beside the logistics of moving my library to my boyfriends house, I also needed to handle a lot of documents so that I can officially be the administrator. This is the house I renovated. I was thought it is important because I chose every piece of material with my hand. I went two or three times to the stores so that I can decide on the type of sandstone I want. I watched two times the documentaries related on interior design on Netflix just to think to the flow I want to have in the room.          ...
Trimiteți un comentariu
Citiți mai multe