Treceți la conținutul principal

Chains

 

Ironically, fears  don't allow us to live life fully and in the same time they come true one way or another. Any fear, conscious or unconscious, is like a chain we carry every day and we act in accordance to what we want to keep in our lives. If you don't confront the fear, you will live it. Actually, it paralyzes you.

There was time when I lived in fear, in an unconscious way. A couple of years ago, I started working on myself by attending all modules of NLP (practitioner, master and coach). During that time, I started dating a friend. We started out as friends, spending time together and telling each other the deepest thoughts. It was the first relationship I started to live my emotions in an authentic way. The first six months up to one year it was good. I remember we took the time to discuss fears and issues that might appear in our first year of relationships. For every fear, there was a solution. In the same time, I started making small changes towards a healthy lifestyle, but in the same time I enjoyed partying. I would say we enjoyed partying as parties were our common subject. Besides common parties, we also discovered we enjoyed going to festivals like Saga and Untold. The chaos in my social life revealed the unconscious fears. I was afraid of dogs and cats. I was afraid to be emotionally addicted on my boyfriend. I was afraid of loosing my boyfriend. I was afraid to ever become an alcohol or drug addict. I was afraid of death. I was afraid of getting ill. I was afraid of my own shadow. i wasn't able to articulate, name or even mention the fears. I was chaotic. In moments where I should have been happy and enjoy Untold, I was stressed and unhappy.  Some fears might have had some logic, but for some I wasn't able to find any real explanation. I was Fear in flash and bones and I was full of contradictions. I was so chaotic that we broke up. The separation took what I feared most: love. I never knew the bottom of the dwell had a basement. I felt like a woman chained to all the darkness of the world. 

That was moment I realized it is time to deconstruct each fear, to accept it and integrate it as part of myself. My fear of being abandoned it is now part of myself and I know that I can handle a separation in a healthy way. I now know it is not the end of the world. I accepted that we all die. Tomorrow is not guaranteed. It is a constant work with ourselves. Everyday, we may discover new fears. It is important not to lead our lives.




Etichete:
Locația: 5254FQC3+G8

Comentarii

Trimiteți un comentariu

Postări populare de pe acest blog

HOME

       There has been so much going on in the last two weeks that I am not sure how to tell it to you. I went on two hikes both quite difficult while I was discovering so much about myself. On May Day, we started our trip to Brasov from Bucharest. On our way to what would be our home for a couple of days, we stopped at my mom's place. The entire time I felt like I am going home, home in a spiritual way. I felt so much gratitude for everything and everyone. This comes from a person that would only dream of feeling this.      Four years ago I was in a relationship with a person who would reflect every pain I have. I still remember to this day that we were gathered in his kitchen, his mom and dad and us. He was comfortably staying on the sofa, while I was discussing with his mom in his kitchen. I have it graved in my memories when he told smiling: " We are alike. You are a runaway. The only difference between you and I is that you also physically runaway ...
Trimiteți un comentariu
Citiți mai multe

Love and growth

           I've been thinking for a while in writing about relationships. What I can tell you is that I never had an example of a healthy relationship in my entire family. I don't mention my parents relationship as they were not able to reach agreement on joint custody and visiting hours. I also mention the extended family.  I've been raised by a single parent and the hardships of a relationship were hidden from my eyes.           My friends mentioned to me that I am the Creator of my relationships and I can build what I call "my perfect relationship". My friend also mentioned that I am not able  to request from my partner what I am not and that I will need to work out on my fears, traumas etc. It happens that my partner will trigger all my traumas while he will create the space to heal. There will be a dance between us.       What my friends were saying at that time seemed otherworldly, but their words...
Trimiteți un comentariu
Citiți mai multe

Renting my baby

           I've been going through a lot of changes and challenges lately. As I moved in autumn at my boyfriend's place, I kept for a while my place free. Almost one year. This winter I paid utilities almost 100 EUR, which I found quite a lot for a house I don't live in. I discussed with my boyfriend to take all my precious books from there and have a space dedicated in his house.              Beside the logistics of moving my library to my boyfriends house, I also needed to handle a lot of documents so that I can officially be the administrator. This is the house I renovated. I was thought it is important because I chose every piece of material with my hand. I went two or three times to the stores so that I can decide on the type of sandstone I want. I watched two times the documentaries related on interior design on Netflix just to think to the flow I want to have in the room.          ...
Trimiteți un comentariu
Citiți mai multe