Beauty in hardships

       It's been a while since my last time a wrote an article on my blog. My life has been like a rollercoaster, with highs and lows. I am not sure with what I should start first and tell you.

       One of the painful moments was when I realized that my dream job is no longer my dream job. I have encountered some stressful situations at work. Those moments of tension put me in a state of freeze, where literally I get cold feet and hands. Admitting that my current job is toxic was a shock to myself. The moment I realized this, I took action like searching for a new job and quitting. The hard truth is that I don't quit easily, this is why in the past I would stay in toxic relationships until I would spend my last resource of energy (health and wealth). In any case, when I say wealth I refer to a state of mind related to wealth, not money. Money are just means to achieve/buy things that we want.

        The other painful moment was losing someone dear from the family. It was a shock as I saw that person two weeks before the death. We talked and we laughed so much. It was also a moment to rewrite some patterns from childhood. When it comes to death, my mom always kept it hidden from myself. I still remember that my grandfather died when I was 4 years old. The family decided to send me away while they were grieving. This is how I treated death for a long time, just running away from painful moments. This time, I didn't go to the funeral as I had other scheduled events. This time I took responsibility for missing the the funeral. Emotionally I was closer and present in the event more than I ever dreamt ever.

    On the side of beautiful moments, I may outline three: going to Inner Sanctuary Retreat, meeting friends in Bicajel and moving together with my boyfriend. The Inner Sanctuary was a journey into what I need to do in order to show self love. We usually think that going to massage or just eating healthier is a way of showing self love. It is also the way we accept how others treat us in relationships. It is the journey to the decision we reach, a trial and test where we put into questions our values, behaviors and what we deserve. The road trip to Bicajel was a full adventure. My friends had a surprise for me as we went backpacking on a medium to hard level road. There were parts where I need to cross a suspended bridge and climb on the mountain parts of the road where I needed to hang on a rope. What my friends didn't know is that I am afraid of heights, so most of the road I was paralyzed by fear. My friends were really supportive. With every step I made, they were like "Ana, keep going you are doing great. When this will end you will be proud of what you achieved". In addition, my boyfriend was supportive and guiding me very step. Last, but not least moving together with my boyfriend. We were spending a lot of time together, I started to work on my inner issues that come with a relationship. I still have a lot to work on myself and this is just the beginning.

        What I learnt in these weeks is that there is beauty in hardships and the companionship makes the difference between success and failure.