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The uncomfortable comfort


     I have been thinking for a while to write about how  uncomfortable is a comfortable and healthy relationship, when your brain is wired still to unhealthy programs. I've been dreaming for a while to meet someone that is able to contain my emotions, to love me as I am and to reassure me that everything will be fine.

       I found that person in my current boyfriend. Now I live and Feel what my mind imagined 2-3 years ago. When you meet someone that accepts the way you are, your brain is wired to sabotage what you have i different ways. For instance, my boyfriend listens and sees me and my needs, but my body decided it is not enough. In the last 5 month I gained weight, around 15 kilograms and 3 numbers in clothes. It was a shock for myself and I usually get so frustrated. When I needed to buy clothes I took him for a ride in mall to help me pick new pants. I just loved his reaction in reassuring me that he can still love when I gained weight.

       Moreover, we renovated the living room making space for my books. In the last few weeks, we brought home to cars of books equivalent of 16 bags of  books. All those books are part of myself. They feel home as they were with me in good times, but mostly in bad times. They are my escape to a different and better world. I never understood what my library meant to me until I had to move it to his house. 

       Every moment we spend together is a declaration of I love you and accept you the way you are. Now I live and feel how a healthy relationships feels.

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